Dear Diary,
Welcome to my 2nd view of life in the land of the rising sun. This week I have chosen to tell you of what has been a real adjustment for me - the food. I have been warned about the fact that I should be expecting an attack of monstrous proportions in the bowels, so each day I ponder what goes in is going to eventually get out again. (Mission control in the Wrighty nerve centre is on standby for further instructions)

Breakfasts are slightly interesting - covering most corners of the globe all in one splendorous setting. Where else can you enjoy coco pops, croissants, Danish pastries, Dim-Sum, French bread, fried rice and raw fish all on the same plate? They have scrambled eggs (presumably laid by a chicken, but you never know), bacon, small burger patties cooked in red wine sauce and sausages - they were not beef, they were not pork - but they were shaped like sausages and had come from something in the animal kingdom (At least I hope so)

Lunch is always an experience - never seen deep fried chicken heads before - beaks and eyes too. If you get enough of them they can see you through the day!! And there is a fruit here called a dragon fruit which is white and spotted (looks like it should be cheese) and really tastes nice, dragons eyes (pronounced lon-yon), which look and feel like eyeballs are also surprisingly good, as long as you don't think about eyeballs while eating.

Monday
7 of us went to a Cantonese restaurant to eat dinner Monday night. There was a nut & kidney bean spicy dish, and a huge soup with large noodles, octopuses that looked like the ghosts out of a pac-man game, and tentacles. There was a fried rice dish with mostly identifiable items in it, and what looked like curried chunks of cucumber with a nutty topping (not my bag baby). There was also a large plate of steamed vegetables, and a spicy green pepper / onion and 'beef organs' dish which again was nice as long as you convince yourself that it technically couldn't have been cut too far from the steak region of the cow. Then there was an asparagus and ginger and 'minced parts of chicken' dish which was surprisingly good as long as you do not ponder what the parts were. 5 bottles of beer and green tea for all. Total cost 150 Chinese RnB which actually turns out to be around $22 Canadian which all in all is pretty amazing - for a good night out with odd shapes, wobbly things and textures thrown in for good measure. (Wrighty nerve centre reports that mission control is on standby until the wobbly bits stop wobbling and the textures are identified)

Tuesday
Today I ate pigeon. I will say no more.
Still no word from mission control.

Wednesday
Houston we have a problem - the eagle has landed, and so has the pigeon, the chicken parts, the beef organs, and several unmentionables. Doubled up in pain and cold flushes, I sit with Beatles music flurrying around in my head and find myself humming the classic Lennon & McCartney tune - "Dysentery, I'm not half the man I used to be. Everything is falling out of me.........."

Thursday
Feeling somewhat lighter today. Faced with a bowl of boiled frogs at lunchtime I opted for the noodles with mushrooms instead, found out later that the mushrooms were eels, and the noodles were mushrooms. Made me realise that a lot of the things going in were not really what this naive little limey thought they were, which was probably why mission control threw them out again with such grim determination. (Wrighty nerve centre reports that Mission control has been closed down for emergency repair work and upgrades)

Friday
You know the expression if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck....(or is it dog? I don't know animal phrases) - anyway KFC - China style looks like regular KFC, but is sort of crispy, greasy and brown, and tastes like it might be chicken but could possible be anything with feathers - on second thoughts it is exactly like KFC.

And so dear Diary I have to draw these conclusions from my somewhat nervous wanderings through this culinary climate:-

This is a country of people who are essentially so driven by poverty that they will, and indeed do cook everything animal, vegetable and mineral. I mean you must get pretty bloody hungry to stare at a frog and think to yourself "My I bet that'll be good with a bean sprout."
After a few days you build a mental protective barrier which allows you to believe that everything you eat is either chicken, beef, or fish - you don't let yourself ponder the possibilities outside of that equation.
They leave the bones in - no matter what you order, with the exception of beef which would make it look something like the Flintstones getting take-out at the end of the cartoon - so order beef wherever possible.
There are large open plan buffet style restaurants in China - unless you like your dining experience to resemble a cross between CSI and Animal Planet I'd suggest that you pass on it.
If you say "I'm in a hurry, so bring me a crocodile sandwich and make it snappy!" you will probably get one.
The cream of sum yung gai is a discrete service, not a meal